Decade

Losing it – a gallery of strange incidents

orget all this macho stuff about Best Batsmen or Greatest Pace Blitz ever, much of the entertainment on offer over the years has been from the offbeat, odd or downright deranged behaviour witnessed in Gents matches. Not a month goes by without a Gent or opponent losing the plot, but nonetheless there have been certain people and incidents which stick in the memory. These are just a few such randomly chosen.

Blunder Years body language

Almost one continual wobbly from the skipper from 1988 to 1991 and sometimes brought out of the cupboard since, like a Fairport Convention reunion concert. Whether it was the eyebrows raised to the heavens, the muttered swearing and intake of breath or the lone boundary sulk (often when The Gents were fielding and from time to time incorporating some firm golf-swing practice), players and spectators were entitled to infer all was not well.

Sledging by loudmouthed Aussie bastards

Cheetah Mike Tonkiss, a prime candidate for the Wisden Book of Cricketing Fruitcakes, enlivened several Blunder Years games. He left the scene after a piece of nonsense involving pyramid selling, whatever that is, and Customs Officials.

How can that be a fucking wide?

Dear Gary Moore was a volatile personality, but nothing could have prepared the circuit for his attack on oil-rigger Richard Scott who signalled a narrow wide as Gary’s “outswinger” pitched in front of first slip and moved away.

Law 42 Unfair Play - 9. The bowling of fast high full-pitches is unfair

At drinks in The Gents’ innings at Surbiton in the decisive Bob Ashton Cup match in 1993, the hosts stood at a steady 78 for 0 off 20 overs. On the resumption Charles Arthur, taking drags from his cigarette between deliveries, unleashed a succession of beamers against then-Gent and current Beggar captain Stevie Bignell...

It was six...

...no it wasn’t. When ace fielder Rich Wilman caught young West XI ringer Robert and dangerous tail-ender Keith Rowe close to the railway boundary at Victoria Rec in the same match, an already stressful match kicked off completely. Beggar Paul Christensen invaded the pitch, shouting “it was six..it was six!” Fists were almost thrown at one point, The Gents going on to take the match, and their first ever series, by 29 runs.

Town Park Nutters

The greatest day of all for losing it was the gloriously hot Saturday of 25 June 1994 which featured a performance by the Town Park Nutter and sparked off a bizarre set of incidents over the next few weeks. Incensed as a Saints boundary off Dan Todd dribbled over the boundary and bounced gently on the concrete near a couple of kids, he invaded the pitch Paul Christensen-style, threatening legal action (as the players were “endangering children’s lives”) and demanding the immediate abandonment of the game. Guest and deep extra, Garrison Rayner, referred him to the affable Saints, who, having luckily studied the precise legal position, called him an “old git” and a “wanker” and told him to “fuck off.” That day also saw the legendary mid-innings shopping spree by Milton Jolin in his whites during the interminable Bignell/Ashton stand, plus Phil Hill disappearing from fielding duties to the cafeteria to purchase a huge ice cream cornet.

Hoodwinked

Seven runs off one ball

A week later, not to be outdone, Mark Ashton brilliantly conceded seven runs off a single ball against Urbans. What happened was this. One of his medium-pace long-hops was carted into the deep in the Urban cruise to victory. Mr Townley fielded the ball, but not before the batsmen were crossing for the third run. By this time Mark had confiscated the ball and hurled in an Exocet of a return which evaded wicketkeeper Mr Maughan plus all other fielders and hurtled to the far boundary in about two seconds flat. In the confusion and bad language (for which chief culprit Andy Burman publicly apologised later) the wrong batsman was left facing the next ball, which was tonked for four. The Gents protested, the right batsman was installed at the business end, but sadly to no avail as another boundary inevitably resulted. What a strange summer 1994 was.

Mine!...Mine!...Doh!

GWLCC were well on their way to a win against Urban Associates in 1996 when the Urb No.11 Adams strode to the crease. Forty-one runs later, ponytailed all rounder Graham Young had shepherded his partner and swashbuckled his side to a remarkable win. But he wouldn’t have had ’keeper Burvo and silly mid-on Masher not collided going for a catch, the ball dribbling apologetically to earth. Duly inspired, Urbs were never going to lose after that.

©The Gentlemen of West London Cricket Club 2006