Gentlemen of West London

Runs

Pak

Runs

Match Report - Rain drops keep falling on my head

An often farcical game, though not one without some good cricket by both sides, saw The Gents and Pak shake hands on a draw as heavy rain, a muddy pitch and Satanic darkness made it too dangerous to continue. Actually, the match was abandoned twice, the first time unilaterally by our beloved SP who while batting removed the bails and headed pavilionward after a Pak bowler had done a Norman Wisdom pratfall in his delivery stride and tumbled painfully. However, Pak were keen for the game to continue and so, for a time, it did. Not since the Bob Ashton Memorial Cup decider of 1990 have The Gents played in such dismal conditions but the desire of both sides to get at least some cricket played should be applauded.

The game may be divided into the antediluvian, diluvian and postdiliuvian phases. The antediluvian saw Gents pitch up short by one man, which was not through want of trying, six stumps and four bails. This caused some stress to organiser Burman and skipper SP, but Pak kindly supplied the woodwork and we entered the diluvian phase, comprising the 42.3 overs possible. The foundation of the Gent innings was an excellent stand of 47 off 100 legitimate balls between Scibo and Tristan. Two revealing statistics

were the 31 extras – comfortably the leading scorer – and the 8 overs bowled before a run came off the bat. But they gritted it out, though run scoring was difficult, several excellent drives and pulls earning singles instead of the fours that would have obtained in dry weather. After their dismissals the innings slithered on, after a break for a warming cup of tea, against tip-top bowling, the ball either stopping in the mud or shooting over the batsmen’s heads, and bright cameos from SP and Hemin saw Gents nearly make the ton as the wicket deteriorated. Pak held on to three tough aerial catches in the gloaming, stout work. Nobody knew whether 99 all out (the first time The Gents have been dismissed in 2006) was a good score or not, so neither side was dissatisfied at half-time, though Buck, a man whose latest eccentricity is bringing three hats to a game, admonished Burman for bad language and running into the Pak ’keeper, who had just run him out.
 

Over tea, containing culturally misguided ham sandwiches, the on/off discussions gathered momentum but the captains decided to press on. A first-ball single off Rob to deep backward-point Ken caused SP to move the Lancastrian in ten yards and after the next ball was called wide he clung on to a superb catch, high to his right. Wicket-keeper Khan was bowled by a Tristan full-toss that he probably didn’t see, which let in the 2005 Weasel slayer Fawad, who found the square boundary twice with ferocious cuts off Tristan. The fielders, in particular ’keeper Carroll, were performing heroics but it was getting nastier and nastier. Mos, batting three yards out if his crease, played watchfully in the intensifying rain until driving Rob to mid-on. At 26 for 3 Bet 365 could not split the teams, the game being in the balance when it was abandoned. One point each, roll on the return.
 

There were few other statistics of note though AJ Burman is now just two games shy of his 200th. Gent appearance. It really is time that he had an airport named after him, or at least a statue erected in his honour.
 

Postdiluvian analysis, an affair twinned between Hanwell and Surbiton, centred on the season so far and challenges to come. There is cautious satisfaction regarding the results and performances, especially given the changes to the team wrought by the unavailability of some 2005 regulars, though the long-running spell of damp weather has impressed nobody. Chief among the challenges will be how to deal with, if they are caught, the little scrotes who liberated twenty pound notes from the wallets of Hemin and Buck in a dipping raid on the changing rooms while backs were turned. Options from radiation experiments to beheading were discussed but no conclusions drawn.