THE GENT

 

July 2005

No. 100

 

Tales from the corridor of uncertainty

 

Nabil, Sanjay – 21^st. century boys!

 

INSIDE…

 

Nabil and Sanjay join Hundred Club Records tumble at Berrylands and Belair Park www.gowlcc.org.uk launched Their Royal Majesties Edward Match reports New Barbarian Weasels (PALs League) (won by 7 wickets) Pak (PALs League) (lost by 6 wickets) Brondesbury Casuals (lost by 3 wickets) London Rams (won by 61 runs)

 

Contact this magazine via e-mail andrewburman_840@hotmail.com or mobile 07802-788424

Maiden Hundreds

 

Mark Ashton 137 v. Enterprise May 1992 Jim Wright 102 v. Wandham May 2000 Tony Buck 102 not out v. New Barbarian Weasels July 2001 Steve Jones 158 not out v. West XI July 2002 Nabil Husain 104 not out v. New Barbarian Weasels June 2005 Sanay Patel 100 not out v. London Rams July 2005 The Gent 100 not out July 2005

 

The 100th. edition of The Gent celebrates the creation of the stunning GWLCC website, some patchy but entertaining cricket (much like the subject matter of Gent 1) and glorious hundreds from Nabil Husain and Sanjay Patel. Back in 1990 a Gent ton was unheard of, but West XI had just been beaten for the first time, courtesy of an Ian Maughan 50 in Acton, Enterprise ditto with a stunning chasing score of 186/3 and the whole phenomenon seemed worthy of documentation. It remains so.

 

We gave brief thought to reissuing some early copies of The Gent but they are not really that good, though one or two match reports pass muster. In any case, technical problems, like finding them, would intervene. One project in the pipeline though is the reissue on the website of selected Gent articles from the early years. These will of course heavily feature defeats of West XI, which were more common then.

 

Gowlcc.co.uk launched to adulation

 

On behalf of the whole club, may we offer congratulations and thanks to Mark Sciberras and Bill Flack for creating a club website that sets a fine standard. Though Mark developed the site, Billy registered and paid for the domain name, a true team effort, excellent work. Tributes have flooded in, match reports are up by Tuesday night (with a synopsis available Monday night) and the message board is busier than ever, including an interesting post from an American marketing company about its office move. It is a signal moment in the development of the club.

 

Scibo has exciting plans for the site, including archive material from the club’s formative years, and is mulling over a proposal from Hemin “Catch Per Match” Patel to include more adult material, such as action pictures of the Victoria RG jailbait. Why men want to see this sort of thing is beyond us, cough.

 

Nick Boddington was the club’s first webmaster, creating the West London circuit’s first message board and a respectable website a few years ago, but the demands of a young family and a hefty commute left him too little time to maintain or develop it. It is still out there though, a piece of harmless cyberspace debris unlikely ever to need a good zapping by Bruce Willis. Steve Bignell’s West XI website has of course flourished for a couple of years, and what it may lack in technical bells and whistles it more than makes up for with timeliness and sharp, amusing writing, much of it original. Some of the criticism that has come his way from Mr. Hill, The Great Delegator, is most unfair. Phil should remember that it takes Steve three hours to get home from Gunnersbury Park games what with that North Circular.

 

Some comments already received:

 

Looks terrific – very well organised and easy to navigate (Maxie Haddow-Allen)

 

Fantastic effort, looks brilliant (Dhruv Patel)

 

Congratulations Scibo, a superb job one of the best websites on the market (Phil Hill)

 

I’ve just seen the new Gents’ website and it is absolutely first class. Well done on a great achievement and for making it so entertaining (Stuart Snelling)

 

Making The Gents sound interesting and entertaining is a huge achievement (Andy Robinson)

 

Well done, nice clean lines, clear presentation, good content, not overloaded with technology thus making page downloading fast and reliable. You should be congratulated and thanked by the whole of the club (Bill Flack)

But which Edward?

 

The King Edward RG in Chessington was a new venue for the club which left history buffs wondering which Edward it commemorates, the park signage being imprecise. Edward VI (1547-53) may have shared several personality traits with The Gents, being highly intellectual and pious (as well as a complete gimp) but his reign was probably too early for social cricket, though shepherds played a primitive form of the game with crook and the severed heads of defeated Scotchmen and Irishmen (traditionally donated by local militiamen in return for free brawn) around this time. The choice is therefore between Edwards VII and VIII.

 

Edward VII (‘Bertie’), who reigned from 1901-1910, was a man of his time who when not slipping out his enormous whanger to enjoy a huge portion on the side with Lily Langtry, Alice Kepple, Lady Brooke, Princess de Muichy, Lady Mordaunt and Princess de Sagan (often, according to action stories in contemporary gentlemen’s magazines, at the same time) indulged his other pleasures of horse-racing, yachting and scoffing huge comedy meals to the full. His mother Victoria was horrified by her son’s behaviour and warned that evidence of a pleasure-loving and immoral aristocracy might provoke the working class into adopting Radical political ideas. Fat chance, the proles loved him, not least for winning the Derby twice.

 

Fascist sympathiser Edward VIII was by contrast a disappointment in the trouser department. Famous for having a tiny, wizened chap, though this may have been Establishment propaganda designed to foment disfavour during the Abdication crisis, he reigned for about three minutes in 1936 before quitting in an embarrassing resignation speech (reprised by Aussie cricket captain Kim Hughes many years later) thence being shunted off to be an incompetent and ridiculous Governor of the Bahamas.

 

According to the Parks and Recreations Act of 1903, in order for a cricket ground to bear the Monarch’s name it must be “visited by His Majesty.” Edward VIII would have been too busy fawning on German Foreign Minister Von Ribbentrop (superbly christened ‘Von Brickendrop’ by the English Foreign Office) to find the time for such useful ceremonial during his brief reign, so we must conclude that KERG was named after Bertie.

 

With its fast, true and bouncy wickets KERG is a potential new Test venue, with easy access from popular mainline stations such as Chessington North and but a Park and Ride or 71 bus away from bustling Surbiton. Its wickets give it the edge over VRG, itself undergoing something of a transformation. Kingston Council claims to have spent £590 steam-cleaning the pavilion but has locked the kitchen, which is now used to provide public cafeteria facilities Monday to Friday (and possibly double as a sponsor’s lounge on Sundays). They still need to plumb in the ornamental fountains and fit the poles for the tea-interval dancers though. Fine goings on, and no prospect of a cup of tea at future home games.

 

Bundle!

 

If you haven’t already seen it, check out the match report for Beggar oppo Walthamstow Horizontals v. Sundown Specials on 8 May 2005 (www.sundownspecials.co.uk). In summary, a middle-aged batsman called Kendrick (described as a ‘Northerner’) went berserk and attacked a fielder with his bat. An excerpt reads:

 

 

Steve Bignell further reports: “Mr. Kendrick then refused to leave the scene of the crime nor apologise to anyone, nor acknowledge that he had done anything wrong and even had the cheek to later collect tea money from everyone. Now that’s what I call club loyalty. This is a story that won’t go away.”

 

The tea-money anecdote is fantastic and one wonders whether The Gents shouldn’t offer Kendrick a short-term contract. The season is too quiet.

 

Colonial exploitation

 

We were not expecting to see much of Ryon Derriman this season and that has proved to be so. You will recall he opted for the golf-course but said with geographical panache in his letter, published in Gent 95, “I would like to remain as a part-time member and play just the more local games such as Edmonton and Dulwich.” Leaving aside the geography implicit in that sentence – nowhere in the world is local to both of those places – he has not renewed his subs and must therefore be presumed to be no longer a member. The position of Wayne Thompson has now also been clarified. He intends to play the odd game for Rams (though he was on holiday for The Gents’ game) but does not want to commit to regular cricket, so is also an ex-member, to go alongside so many in recent years. There is some unfinished business – Ryon still owes Buck a tenner and Wayne has two Gents playing awards – but it does seem that future Gent XI’s will not feature these two.

 

Sea of Madness

 

The 2005 Gents/Weasels jaunt at King’s College Sports Club was a beezer jape with great cricket and several bizarre umpiring and scoring incidents that had to be seen to be believed, and should force those concerned to take a long, hard look at themselves. Absentees missed a treat, for in a few short hours we saw a hoot of an lbw upheld, infectious comedy scoring and only 33 overs bowled in the first innings, when the batting side was not all out in a 35 over game.

 

The temporarily upheld lbw was the most absurd umpiring decision since Bradman edged to slip Ikin off Voce’s bowling in the first 1946-47 Ashes Test and was given not out, though Pak may have had something to say about that eight days later. Weasel Simon Hayes, having looked as though he might be trapped in front of his stumps, played a beauty from Scibo very late, whereupon HP and the slips stifled their appeal. No matter, as umpire Owen (not that one, this one looked like Jarvis Cocker), wittily christened Quick Draw McGraw by Mr. Buck, fingered him anyway. Recalled by the bemused Gents, Hayes went on quietly to 42 not out. Nobody could remember a Gents’ side doing this before, though Salix were kind enough to recall Mr. Toft in similar circumstances last September.

 

The scorebook massacre was a disaster unseen since the dark days of John Townley (Gent debut 1988), who once famously failed to record the names of any opponents in the book. As Sanjay ran in to bowl his seventh over a disembodied voice spluttered from the scorer’s chair “He’s already had eight.” If he thought this why did he not say anything two overs before? Or perhaps he thought it was a 40 over game? A vigorous exchange of views between umpire Perry and scorer then took place and there was only to be one winner there.

 

During a spot of rigorous tea-interval clerking it transpired that: (a) The Gents had bowled 33 not 35 overs. This could of course have been crucial and who is to say NBW would not have added another 20 runs? (b) Sanjay was given Hemin’s two overs (“I’ll keep the wicket not the runs”) and (c) somebody called Nabil Patel was given seven overs, as if Partition had never happened. Still, in the interests of balanced reporting it is only fair to point out that Weasel John Bishop brought out to Gent scorer Burman a smashing pile of sandwiches and an iced dainty. Sadly afflicted by such events, Burman, whose scoring has been poor for a while now, briefly lost the plot a few hours later, missing a Husain four and a single and a Sanjay single. Everyone thought Nabil was left on 99 not out but he was officially upgraded the next day. Still, out of darkness comes light and is only fair to remark on the neat, accurate pencilwork performed by Apprentice Scorers Denton, Gilkes and Toft this season.

 

Aussies given the willies

 

“Scare dinkum Aussies!” was the cardish headline (almost as good as The Sun’s ‘Ghoullespie’) above an article on the BBC Sport website concerning the supposedly haunted Lumley Castle in Chester-le-Street close to where Ponting’s men played their day-nighter against England on 23 June. All-rounder Shane Watson is reported to have slept on Brett Lee’s floor he was so frit. Australia are not the only team to be spooked by the spectre. In 2000, three members of the West Indies team including Captain Jimmy Adams checked out of the same hotel because they were scared. The ghost it seems is male and of modern disposition. Something of a character, he is described by local ghostbusters as ‘Short with no hair’ and apt to roar phrases such as “Bollocks you twott,” “Not ’arf,” “Ten three to me who wants another frame?” and “Whaddya mean 60 all out?” He can also be heard having spectral conversations about company car mileage rates, golf and adult movie channels.

Game 7: King’s College SC, Saturday, 11 June. Weasels won toss. Cloudy, 16° (PALs League)

 

Indo-Pak alliance blitzes Home Office boys

 

The Gents won their sixth successive PALs League game after a blistering unbeaten fourth-wicket partnership of 127 between Nabil Husain (104 not out, 17 fours) and skipper Sanjay Patel (33 not out), some achievement by a side who had lost five games out of six. Once the duo declared open season on the Weasels’ support bowling a record or two was always likely to tumble and in 16 overs and 2 balls of utter Gent superiority the previous club record stand for the wicket (116 set by Bhavesh Vyas and Sanjay against Enterprise in 2003) was eclipsed, though the 138 posted by East Harrow Cheetahs Jaques and Torbe in 1996 was not. Nabil is only the club’s fifth centurion after Mark Ashton, Tony Buck, Steve Jones and Jim Wright. Earlier, the Weasels had in the 33 overs bowled set a competitive 174/7, in which Perry scored a sterling fifty (8 fours), a fact of which nobody was aware as none of his team-mates had announced it from the boundary. Only with the 186/3 against Enterprise in 1990 have The Gents posted a higher winning second-innings total with so few wickets lost.

It must be disappointing for the NBW’s organiser to be left one short for a league game at such a prestigious venue, but one short they were and it was a fate nearly shared by The Gents, Sanjay securing on the Friday night the services of young schoolboy Pritesh Patel from Hammersmith, who did well, to make up the eleven. Another lost toss and John Bishop, who impressed The Gents all day, decided to bat in the absence of their skipper Dyer, who was late arriving. He and Perry are a mightily impressive opening pair, opposites in their approach but both fit and with a very good understanding. Nabil and Sanjay troubled them but they settled down and played some good shots though they only broke free in Dhruv’s first over (the rest of his spell was fine). Scibo is becoming something of a Basil d’Oliveira with his ability to break stands and so it proved again, Perry firing back a caught and bowled and Bishop playing down the wrong line to be bowled.

 

From a promising 85/2 at 20-over drinks NBW moved on sharply after the break, but were pegged back by alert, brave fielding, with Mr. Toft, Hemin and SP outstanding, which compensated for patchy bowling with too many full-tosses. Indeed, SP adopted Ashton’s old position of deep mid-wicket sweeping the boundary, muttering away to himself about this and that and booming in perfect sixty yard throws. Though three catches went down. Dhruv took a skyer to out Woodhead off Hemin, who then reprised his own spectacular effort against West XI to juggle then snaffle Regnier-Wilson off Buck. Hayes, reprieved early after being given lbw and then recalled, gritted out 42 not out.

 

The first innings did not finish until five o’clock and the light now began to deteriorate as the temperature plummeted. HP met his Waterloo once more on reaching double figures and when Dhruv was ridiculously run out after a misunderstanding with Mr. Gilkes, the 120 that Buck had privately hoped for (“to keep some dignity”) was looking a long way off. Nabil was dropped at the wicket early but soon began to release some aesthetically delightful cover-drives and straight-drives. His pull and hook were working too and, suitably inspired, Moon Cat unleashed a beautiful on-drive for four to the longest boundary before edging behind in the 14th. over. But he had seen off Bishop. In fading light the support bowlers presented less of a challenge as Nabil and the skipper exerted total control. The days of Weasels Best and Flack coming on to peg you back after Kirkwood’s hostility and Owen’s accuracy are long gone. The running here was superb with SP content to play the support role, scoring mainly with singles, as fours rained from the young Pakistani’s bat. His is a special talent and we should cherish him before he is whisked off to marry his princess one day. The stunned hosts were powerless to stop him and there were 33 balls left when he finished proceedings at 7.15pm. This game was the perfect antidote to recent uncertainties and will be one to cherish by the winter fireside.

 

New Barbarian Weasels (won toss); Bishop 15, Perry 58, Hayes 42 not out, Woodhead 24, Iqbal 4, Regnier-Wilson 15, *Dyer 1, †Hurley 0, Owen and Pagan did not bat, Extras 15, 174-7 (33 overs)

FoW; 78, 85, 125, 131, 155, 173, 174

Bowling; Husain 1-31, S Patel 0-14, D Patel 0-36, Sciberras 2-30, Buck 1-37, H Patel 1-15

Catches; D Patel 1, H Patel 1, Sciberras 1

 

Gents; †Denton 10, Gilkes 16, D Patel 0, Husain 104 not out, *S Patel 33 not out, Sciberras, Toft, H Patel, Buck, Burman and P Patel did not bat, Extras 12, 175-3 (29.3 overs)

FoW; 17, 21, 48

Bowling; Bishop 0-19, Iqbal 1-29, R’-Wilson 1-33, Dyer 0-33, Pagan 0-19, Owen 0-24, Perry 0-11, Hayes 0-4

Catches; Hurley 1, Owen 1

 

Won by 7 wickets

Game 8: King Edward’s RG, Chessington, Sunday, 19 June. Gents won toss. Sunny, 33° (PALs League)

 

Shahid fries The Gents

 

In a day-long orgy of runs, a powerful Pak batting line-up proved too hot to handle for The Gents at boiling Chessington. An accomplished 81 not out from Kingstonians CC first XI’s Shahid Mahmood was the fulcrum of a successful run chase in which Pak were always up with the required rate. Earlier, The Gents had recovered well from 1/2 to post a season’s best 187/7 with contrasting but encouraging innings for Scibo, Dhruv and, again, Nabil. It was the first PALs League defeat of the season but The Gents will at least share the 2005 title if they beat the Weasels in July.

 

Buck had received instructions by semaphore and Boy Scout runner from absent skipper Sanjay to “win the toss, bat first and wear them out.” Parts one and two of the mandate were impressively and precisely discharged, The Gents’ innings going along similar lines to the May knock in the first game. Then, an innings in shock at 8/3 recovered to 146/5 before stalling to 147 all out, which was enough. Here, two large partnerships of 89 and 64 were the bedrock of what seemed at tea a formidable total.

 

Moon Cat was bowled (distracted by the glare off a car windscreen, he said) and HP caught at slip before Scibo, who had been padded up for the duration of the Husain/Patel S. stand eight days before, turned round the innings with Dhruv. Mark was watchful, checking his guard every over, but never spurned the hook or pull off the short stuff. Dhruv scratched around and was dropped twice before unleashing a flurry of boundaries, including three in three balls off the pacy Fawad to take the visitors to 78/2 at 20 over drinks.

 

Scibo was bowled by wily spinner Ahmed, Dhruv stumped off Mahmood and Justin bowled as three wickets fell around the hundred but this only let in Nabil, in the form of his young life. In only 13 overs at the crease he belted 61 off only 42 balls faced, adding 64 with his captain (nearly lapping him on several occasions) and 14 with Hemin. Pak thought they had him early on gloving to slip but the umpire was not convinced, shades of Kevin Allerton being stoically unmoved when Martin Drake was apparently caught Renvoize in similar circumstances some years ago. Pak allowed themselves a few shouts of “Let’s get him out again, boys” but that is all part and parcel of the game and they were good sports all day. And nobody will forget Nabil walking at Surbiton during the first West XI game when umpire Burman was going, in all integrity, to decline an appeal for caught behind. As he cut loose and lofted a glorious straight six on his way to 61 on the day and 286 for the season The Gents were happy and the final total of 187 pleased them, 109 runs having come in the final 15 overs. After all, the template for matches on hot days is that the side who fields first is the one who wilts.

 

So much for tradition. The simple fact is that Pak were up with the rate from the first over, scored at five an over for 25 overs, 9 an over for the last seven and won with 18 balls to spare. There were Gent successes; Ajaz chipped to mid-off Ken, Hemin brilliantly caught Faisil off his own bowling – a rolling and tumbling affair – and Arshad off Scibo’s, but Moon Cat’s maiden wicket (caught Turpin) came too late to change much. Arshad, Anser and in particular Mahmood batted excellently. The fielding was resilient, though Scibo’s football tactics came amiss once or twice, but the bowling, with one exception, was average. That exception was Scibo, who was treated respectfully by Mahmood and whose figures of 7-1-20-1, incorporating the innings’s only maiden, were quite remarkable. The Gents were disappointed to lose but a spot of research on the internet has yielded plenty of glowing press tributes to the Fuller’s Surrey League feats of nemesis Mr. Shahid Mahmood along the lines of “well-deserved century,” “glorious batting” and the like, so it was no disgrace to lose to such an innings.

 

Gents (won toss); †Denton 0, Gilkes 0, Sciberras 37, D Patel 48, Husain 61, Norcott 1, Buck 9, H Patel 5 not out, Turpin, Toft and Butt did not bat, Extras 26, 187-7 (35 overs)

FoW; 0, 1, 90, 98, 109, 173, 187

Bowling; Ash 1-71, Ali 1-21, Fawad 1-48, Ahmed 2-22, Mahmood 1-25, Rihan 0-23, Kazin 0-24

Catches; Ajaz 1

 

Pak; Ajaz 8, †Faisil 5, Mahmood 81 not out, Arshad 30, Ansar 36, Azeem 4 not out, Ash, Ali, *Ahmed, Rihan and Kazin did not bat, Extras 28, 191-4 (32 overs)

FoW; 14, 41, 106, 185

Bowling; Butt 1-35, H Patel 1-27, Sciberras 1-20, D Patel 0-31, Husain 0-35, Buck 0-21, Gilkes 1-4, Norcott 0-4

Catches; H Patel 2, Toft 1, Turpin 1

 

Lost by 6 wickets

Game 9: Brondesbury CC, Sunday, 26 June. Gents won toss. Sunny, 21°

 

So close but Casuals breast the tape

 

So, for the second successive Sunday The Gents won the toss, batted and compiled a 180-plus total and for the second successive Sunday were unable to defend it. Casuals needed seven runs off the final over, at which point they had fallen behind the required run-rate for the first time in the innings. A three, a single, a run out and a dot ball came, whereupon skipper Bernie Spratt on-drove the winning boundary off the penultimate possible ball. Inspired by contrasting fifties from Toby Cresswell and Afghani southpaw Rizvan Saiid, Casuals recovered from early losses to pace the run-chase well. Theirs was the more controlled innings, whereas The Gents built on the foundation stone of HP’s monumental 37 to blitz the bowling in the second half of their innings, adding 128 in the last 20 overs and 79 in the last 10. Casuals were slicker in the field but The Gents can be proud of their performance in the light of the bad hand injury suffered by Bhavesh Vyas and the pressganging of two debutants, Vimal Dev and Kowaja Wain, following late withdrawals.

 

The Gents/West XI amalgam was keen to avenge poor batting performances at this prestigious club (Mike and Steve Gatting are among Brondesbury alumni). A steady start came against the fastish opening pair, Cresswell damaging a finger on Bhav’s right hand with a lifter. “We’ve never had to work so hard for a Gents’ wicket” quipped Mr. Spratt. Bhav cut to gully but had done his job and while HP anchored the innings with his club PB, fireworks came from Scibo (another good No.3 knock), Chris Wright (a brisk 25 before being stumped) and Moon Cat, the last named out to what he described an “Act of God”; a brilliant twisting, diving catch on the square-leg boundary. HP eventually departed run out in partnership with a fired-up Sanjay. Runs came more easily off the support bowlers, Sanjay leading the charge with a well-timed 46, including seven fours, and he managed the shot of the innings (a low straight-drive travelling as fast as a bullet) off the pacy Kankanamge.

 

The score of 184 was not The Gents’ highest in this long-running series – Horace Hibbert saw to that in 2000 – but was riches indeed after the 55 all out Hell (with Bhav, Neep, Dane, Chris Wright, Dhruv and Sanjay occupying six out of the top seven batting places) in 2003 and the 42/6 in last year’s soggy draw. It would have been higher but for some tireless chasing and throwing by the home boys.

 

Two welcome early Gents’ successes came when Mr. Hill claimed a high catch with some difficulty off Chris Wright’s bowling and HP caught Tye. Thus the Cresswell/Saiid stand was created and how well they did. Saiid unleashed four upon four, and a six into the banking by the tennis courts, and although the fielding did not exactly wilt, the odd mistake was made. Saiid finally pulled into mid-wicket Justin’s safe hands but Freilich saw Cresswell to his own fifty before the young opener slashed Buck into HP’s safe gloves. Still, only 24 runs were needed at just over three an over and it ought to have been a formality, but Sanjay had held some overs from his best bowlers back and the fall of the barnacle Cresswell visibly lifted the side. Vimal Dev then castled Freilich during a wicket maiden and when Scibo bowled Martin the match was in the balance. Side doctors had to be called at this flurry of wickets when Bernie snapped to his tail “I’m not going to lose this with one of you driving home and two in the shower, get your pads on.” A veritable orgy of pad and box donning then occurred, a kind of reverse all boy Benny Hill moment, but Casuals survived the run out of Deighton to edge home.

 

It had been a vintage contest and guest Chris Wright spoke for all when he wrote: “I really enjoyed the game yesterday, highly competitive with a close finish – disappointing not to win at the death but it didn’t detract from a great game, a great venue and a good oppo.” Hear hear. Still, another loss puts The Gents at 2-7 for 2005 with no obvious respite in terms of quality of opposition on the horizon.

 

Gents (won toss); †Denton 37, Vyas 23, Sciberras 12, C Wright 25, Wain 1, Gilkes 12, *S Patel 46, Buck 9, Hill 5, Norcott 0, Dev 0 not out, Extras 17, 184 all out (40 overs)

FoW; 42, 81, 84, 87, 105, 123, 164, 173, 174, 184

Bowling; Martin 1-27, Saiid 0-21, Johnson 2-23, Kankanamge 2-37, Cresswell 0-24, Deighton 2-39, Tye 1-21

Catches; Cresswell 1, Tye 1

Brondesbury Casuals; Cooke 1, Cresswell 66, Tye 0, Saiid 70, Freilich 23, Deighton 10, Martin 0, *Spratt 5 not out, †Tucker 0 not out, Kankanamge and N Johnson dnb, Extras 10, 186-7 (39.5 overs)

FoW; 9, 14, 120, 164, 177, 178, 184

Bowling; S Patel 0-28, C Wright 3-27, Dev 1-25, Wain 0-21, Sciberras 1-39, Hill 0-26, Buck 0-13

Catches; Denton 2, Hill 1, Norcott 1

 

Lost by 3 wickets

 

Game 10: Belair Park, Dulwich, Sunday, 3 July. London Rams won toss. Cloudy, 20°

 

Sanjay’s match as records tumble in Dulwich

 

Captain Sanjay Patel and his on-fire middle-order rewrote the club’s record books at murky Belair Park. His maiden Gents’ century, completed off the last ball of the innings, was the bedrock of the club’s highest ever score and the highest ever conceded by Rams. It eclipsed the 261/4 declared against the Weasels in 2001, compiled in 41 overs in a time game. No Gents’ innings had previously featured three scores of fifty plus, let alone a century and two fifties, nor two hundred partnerships. Rams’ gutsy reply made it five fifty-plus scores in the day, another record, and their run rate was ahead of The Gents’ for 20 overs. The gloomy skies and trees made seeing the ball difficult and this, along with the short straight boundary and fast outfield, undoubtedly contributed to the run rate (as well as accounting for a few wickets) but it was just one of those field days for batsmen, although there were expensive drops in both innings. It was truly a day to remember for the skipper with 100 runs, two wickets and the earliest team bollocking seen in a Gents’ innings since Mr. Ashton’s retirement, two balls in and ’keeper and slips felt the lash of his tongue for “not being focussed,” though we recall this was one ball later than Himself back in the club’s early years when he bawled out his entire side one ball into an innings after the batsmen had dared to run an easy single to fine-leg Victor off his bowling.

 

This mayhem seemed most unlikely as tall Kiwi Allan Davies castled both Ken and Moon Cat early, to be followed by Buck gloving behind for a quick 21 and Hemin playing over a straight one from Severn. That was 44/4 and the Ram was cavorting, only for Sanjay, Nabil and Neepam to turn the innings round with two blistering stands containing 23 fours and four sixes, one of them a mistimed top-edged drive by Sanjay to the short straight boundary, situated no more than 30 yards from the wicket. Nabil, dropped twice early on and Sanjay, survivor of a low chance to mid-off, ought to have been back on the grassy knoll with 50 on the board but they were not and that, largely, was that. Rams’ support bowling was adequate but no match for guys in this sort of form, who pummelled 204 runs in the last 20 overs and 168 in the last 15. The fielders, including two Gents in rotation as Rams had two late withdrawals, and who naturally attracted the ball like magnets, persevered, however, and Rams never lost the plot. Nabil departed lbw trying to pull one that kept low, but there was no respite as Neepam joined the fray and proceeded to outscore Sanjay. Spin and seam came alike to them. The sky seemed the limit to what The Gents might score but Davies returned to bowl Neep, leaving HP to nurture the helmeted skipper to his personal milestone, achieved with a dab down to his feet and a cheeky sprint.

 

Derby are a proud club and their reply was worthy of the shirt with good knocks from their top four. Murtland and Severn are a quality opening pair who took a shine to Vimal and Kowaja, scoring at more than five an over though credit Hemin for a fine spell of containing bowling. He got his reward by pinning Murtland lbw. Rathwell shone briefly before driving to Ken at cover in Buck’s expensive spell, a fine low catch that gave The Gents a fillip just after drinks. The Severn/Davies stand was now made flesh and how well they did, Mike lethal on the front foot through the covers and mid-wicket, Allan ruthless with the lofted drive and pull. They scored fast but the required rate was creeping up thanks to a fine spell by Neepam, whose reward was the prized scalp of the Rams’ skipper, well judged by a calm Kowaja on the short straight boundary.

 

Davies went on to a good fifty as wickets tumbled at the other end, two to Sanjay, three to Nabil, who although he had to shorten his run up to avoid having to squeeze through iron railings in the middle of it, was unplayable on a wearing pitch. Vimal executed a brilliant run out. The required rate sky-rocketed and Sanjay gave a rare bowl to Moon Cat and Burman, who finished off the innings with a smart stumping by HP.

 

Gents; Toft 4, Gilkes 6, Buck 21, Husain 53, H Patel 3, *S Patel 100 not out, Bhatt 51, †Denton 2 not out, Wain, Dev and Burman dnb, Extras 14, 264-6 (35 overs)

FoW; 4, 30, 34, 44, 154, 254

Bowling; Davies 3-22, Severn 1-39, Bowling 1-26, Barnes 0-37, Fisher 0-39, Rowe 1-50, Leaf 0-45

Catches; Murtland 1

London Rams (won toss); †Murtland 29, *Severn 53, Rathwell 15, Davies 57 not out, Bowling 1, Barnes 4, Leaf 1, Fisher 1, Rowe 0, Rowe (2) 10, Leaf (2) 1, Extras 27, 203 all out (32.1 overs)

FoW; 56, 105, 151, 158, 163, 165, 172, 172, 201, 203

Bowling; Dev 0-26, Wain 0-17, H Patel 1-18, Buck 1-51, Bhatt 1-24, S Patel 2-19, Husain 3-2, Gilkes 0-12, Burman 1-12

Catches; Bhatt 1, Toft 1, Wain 1

 

Won by 61 runs

 

2005 West London fixtures

 

Date	Gentlemen of West London			West XI
Sun 17 April	-	-		Addington (1743)	Won by 3 wickets
Sun 24 April	St. Anne’s Allstars (42-11)	Lost by 39 runs		-	-
Sun 1 May	Hale	Cancelled (rain)		Dinder and Croscombe	Won by 2 runs
Sun 8 May	12 Angry Men	Lost by 53 runs		India Select	Won by 9 wickets
Sun 15 May	Pak (PALs)	Won by 1 run		Staefa	Won by 53 runs
Sun 22 May	Urban	Lost by 32 runs		NB Weasels	Won by 3 wickets
Sun 29 May	West XI (BAMC)	Lost by 105 runs		Gents (BAMC)	Won by 105 runs
Sun 5 June	London Saints	Lost by 3 wickets		London Rams	Lost by 4 wickets
Sat 11 June	NB Weasels (PALs)	Won by 7 wickets		Captain’s Select XI	Won by 5 wickets
Sun 12 June	-	-		Octopus	Lost by 5 runs
Sun 19 June	Pak (PALs)	Lost by 6 wickets		Walthamstow Horizontals	Won by 8 wickets
Sat 25 June	-	-		London Saints (LNC)	Won by 79 runs
Sat 25 June	-	-		Walthamstow Horiz’ls (LNC)	Won by 7 wickets
Sun 26 June	Brondesbury Casuals	Lost by 3 wickets		-	-
Sat 2 July	-	-		Ditcheat U.13’s	Won by 112 runs
Sun 3 July	London Rams	Won by 61 runs		Dinder and Croscombe	Won by 112 runs
Sat 9 July	NB Weasels (PALs)	Surbiton 1pm		-	-
Sun 10 July	-	-		Sunderland SC	Berkhamsted
Sat 16 July	-			Plums	Home
Sun 17 July	West XI (BAMC)	Away 1pm		Gents (BAMC)	Home
Sun 24 July	12 Angry Men	Old Ten’ians 1pm		London Business School	Away
Sat 30 July	Sunderland SC	Surbiton 1pm		-	-
Sun 31 July	-	-		London Saints	Berkhamsted
Sun 7 Aug	Enterprise	Surbiton 1pm		St. Anne’s Allstars	Away
Sun 14 Aug	London Saints	Surbiton 1pm		Acme	Away
Sat 20 Aug	-	-		North Star	Away
Sun 21 Aug	Jay Bharat	Old Ten’ians 1pm		-	-
Sun 28 Aug	St. Anne’s Allstars (42-11)	Barnes 1pm		Prince’s Head	Home
Sat 3 Sept	-	-		London Business School	Home
Sun 4 Sept	London Owls	Surbiton 1pm		-	-
Sun 11 Sept	West XI (BAMC)	Berkhamsted 12am		Gents (BAMC)	Berkhamsted 12am
Sun 18 Sept	Salix	GSK G’ford 12am		-	-
Runs Wickets Catches	Husain 339, S Patel 195, Sciberras 106, D Patel 101 Sciberras 13, Husain 9, Buck 8, S Patel 7, H Patel 6 H Patel 6, Buck 5, Denton/Turpin 4			Vyas 389, Bapu 238, Wright 181, Taylor 173, Bhatt 102 Hill/ Laing 17, Taylor 15, Dane 13 Vyas 11, Bhatt 7, Dane/Wright 6

 

To date, 28 players have made 111 appearances in 2005, which is not out of kilter with recent years. In 2004 we used 33 while in 2003 revolving doors had to be fitted to the VRG changing rooms as 48 chaps went in and out. There appear to be 16 members this season who have made 93 appearances. As usual, West XI make up the bulk of the guests, with friends of Dhruv, Sanjay, HP and Mr. Lewis also helping out. Rumours that several Beggars are keen to cross the floor of the House in 2005 are afoot. One guest we may not see for a while is Bhavesh Vyas, who broke his thumb at Brondesbury fending off a lifter (but was still brave enough to field with a comedy cartoon bandage). We wish him a quick recovery and hope to see him back in action in the BAMC second game on 17 July.

 

PALs League

 

1 The Gents Played 3 Points 4 2 Pak Played 2 Points 2 3 NB Weasels Played 1 Points 0

All still to play for with each side still able to win and The Gents guaranteed a share of the title if they beat NBW. Paul Johnson of Urbans has promised to return the trophy before the league finishes in late July.

 

Mindbender Answer

 

It was the recent fortune of the Editor of The Gent to read the late Sir Kingsley Amis’s “The King’s English” (1) in which he berates people who write ‘Happy Christmas’ or even ‘Xmas’ in any form, amusingly prefacing his rant “It may betray excessive zeal to look for solecisms in Christmas cards, but here goes.” His densely argued case concludes that the proper form is “Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year.” Definitely the sort of man who would have harrumphed at “Have a peaceful winterval.” May the earth rest lightly on him.

(1)                 “The King’s English” (HarperCollins, 1997)

Readers’ letters

A very entertaining mag. However I must take exception to one thing. I am not a Bristolian, indeed my parents lived near Bath for many years and I support Bath Rugby, and therefore the slur of being called a Bristolian is

quite grave. My actual connection to the Bristol legal equivalent of John Grisham is via the gentlemen’s sport of hockey for Richmond in Surrey rather than any apple munching in a second division Western city.

PS The Alfa Romeo is mine. The country yokel from Bristol does not have such taste as a London suburbanite such as myself.

 

I may not have given you a tip but I did give you ‘Barbarian.’ A small fee will avoid a plagiarism charge in the High Court. Lord Haddow-Allen did mention he knew someone who specialises in intellectual property rights.

 

 

I played for the work team in Holland last week which was a very strange experience. The ground is fantastic (up there with Brondesbury) but they have this strange sack-like material mat covering the wicket, so every ball sits up and has a conversation with the batsman before being thumped to the square-leg boundary! And the competitiveness was unreal, sledging and an oppo batsman squaring up with one of our (slightly camp) fielders because he felt impeded when running between the wickets. Highly amusing stuff.

 

(This must be the phenomenon of coir matting wickets, on which Johnny Foreigner in the Colonies used to play a lot of Test matches until around 1960. Ed.)

 

 

Regarding run outs, I feel really bad if we as a team gift a wicket to the oppo. Here are a few simple rules as explained to me by a semi-pro at work. If the ball is hit behind the wicket it is the non- striker’s call. BUT

BEFORE THE CALL IS MADE HE SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE STRIKER IS ON THE

MOVE FORWARD OR THE SHOT WAS PLAYED OFF THE BACK FOOT IN WHICH CASE THE

MOMENTUM IS NOT GOING FORWARD. THE STRIKER IS PROBABLY A YARD BEHIND THE POPPING CREASE. Never run on a misfield especially if close by. Finally if any of the batsmen for any reason says NO it should stay as a NO and if there is any hesitation just say NO.

 

 

Excellent match report (which I will cut and paste onto the Bron site) but the guy fielding at slip is Nick Johnson and about four stone heavier than me! It was really good to have such a close game and I know that my boys

really enjoyed it. Good luck for the rest of the season and please say Hi to Stuart from me.

 

Midsummer Tumbleweed Moments

 

“What’s it like to be losers?”

James Norcott, Justin’s dad, 22 May (to a disconsolate Gents after Urban Associates)

 

“One-hundred and twenty seven? Not bad. I’ve only been involved in two higher stands myself on this ground. The first was…(etc.)”

Weasel Patrick Hurley, 11 June (after the Nabil/Sanjay stand)

 

“Wayne Thompson? Good batsman, I remember his 150 at Gunnersbury when I played in 2002”

MWH Ashton, 16 June

 

Read about The Gents on www.gowlcc.org.uk

 

The Gents – proud to play in RB Kingston-upon-Thames, London’s chav hotspot

(bookshops = 3, mobile phone shops = 10 at least)